Say you are at a park, another child hits your child. The kids parent is distracted. What do you do? Do you ignore it? I personally would make sure my child is ok, and kindly go up to the other parent and being as nice as possibl, inform them that their child has just hit my child. And hope they handle it accordingly. Now say you are at your best friends house. Shehas a child. You are there with your child. Your child hits her child. Do you allow her to punish your kid if you are distracted? Say, you are in the bathroom, on the phone etc. I personly, would allow her to punish my child. As your best friend,she probably knows your styles of punishment. Mine is putting the child in the corner and then explaing to my kids what they did and why they must not do it again. If I caught someone punishing my child by means of physcial punishment, I probably would blow a gasket though.
ADD: If my children ever do something dangerous, or something just plain TERRIBLE, Iam not above a light spanking. 2 light taps and they know they have done something seriously wrong.
You should post this discussion in the Parenting Group. This is a good one. Can't wait to hear everyones' thoughts.
I would hope that if I was distracted and my kid did something wrong that the other parent involved in the situation would explain to my kid why it was wrong and bring it to my attention. Now I won't allow another to spank or holler at my child....thats my job. But I feel if you explain to the child why its wrong to do what they did you are helping to mold that child in a good way. And we all know that you as their parent can tell them something and for some reason they don't believe you example the stove is hot and they will go and test the waters at a friends or in others company, but if the other party involved says and explains it then the child won't think mommy and daddy are just saying that. And this goes for any age.
Yea, I agree with you. Some parents are afraid of what the other parents may say if they tell the child what they did was wrong, so they do nothing.
Depends where we are. At my house yes I do. On outings with others yes I do.
I live in a very small community. So as far as correcting other peoples kids is expected we all kind of try and help each other out as far as raising kids. So yes in front of the parents and also when parents are not around. If one of my children does something bad a couple blocks away they will be disciplined by another parent then I will receive a phone call and then I will discipline my child. In church I will definitely say something to children who are misbehaving in front of the parents. Me personally I think that if more communities were like this there would be a lot less juvenile cases in court.
If you are somewhere, like church, where there is a certain level of respect expected, and another parent is not enforcing that resect, then I feel that its more than acceptable that other individuals take over. If someone doesnt want a stranger disciplining their children, then they must do it themselves
Absolutely!! Too many parents want to be their kids BFF instead of their parent. Example, I was having dinner with a friend one evening and her son and my two boys were there as well. Her son continued to interrupt and stick his game in her face trying to get her attention. She said nothing, so I did.
I will correct someone else's kid in a heartbeat. It takes a village, and if the village holds their tongue the children will never learn. I say spare the rod spoil the child. I will not watch anyone's child that does not agree with my form of discipline. Anyone that I trust enough to leave my children with has my permission to discipline them how I do. If the child knows that Aunt Sarah won't punish them because mom said so, they will be disrespectful. My parents are very old fashion, and this is how they raised us. Whenever we would come home from other people's homes, they would always tell our parents how well mannered we were compared to other kids.
Yeah I do think part of the problem these days though is the fact that some parents do NOT discipline their own children enough. Im not advocating child abuse in any way, but when I was growing up my grandmother did not hesitate to spank me if I needed it and I feel like I learned better from a spanking than a time out. With that being said, I dont think a parent should beat the tar out of a child because that would be excuse. Spanking when done properly is an appropriate form of punishment in my opinion.
I also think because we have more babies having babies these days that it makes it harder because theyre not really ready for the responsibility of parenting and that also contributes to the problem..
Yes kids need to know that even when their parents are not looking they still have to behave. To many kids these days feel they can get away with what ever they want. Now, I will not fuss at a young child and kids will be kids and miss behave but if I feel they should know better, then I will step in and correct them.
Heck yes ! ! Just did the other night I would never spank another persons child but have no problem sitting them down or in a corner and explaining why they are in trouble. If it makes the other parent mad then keep your kid away from me or keep a better watch of what they are doing! In fact I have one former friend that won't speak to me because her son was running (yes, running) with a large knife and I made him put the knife away and sit in a chair for a while.. nothing drastic, just a basic time out and explained what he did wrong and why it was bad. She finally turned around and saw him sitting there looking mad and asked him what was wrong. Then proceded to yell at me and call me all sorts of names... needless to say I don't miss her or her drama!
She ought to be thanking you for punishing her child! Number 1, its not like you spanked the child. I thought you did the right thing by taking the knife away and putting them in time out. What if that child would have injured or killed someone with that knife? I like how you handled it and personally if that was my child I would be thanking you...
Thanks Yep had it been my daughter or son I would have expected someone to do something had I not seen it.
Right there is a whole generation gap now in how children are raised and disciplined. My grandma would have had my head if I did something like that when I was younger... Now you have 8 or 9 year olds having sex and getting pregnant and it is a scary epidemic...
This happened to me the other day. I was in a bookstore with my son when another kid just happened to throw a book and it hit him. The mother stood right there and watched the whole thing. She never did a thing about it. My son looked at me and then at this other kid and finally said "Mom, he's so rude. Why did he do that? I know that both the other kid and the mother heard him because they looked right at us. I personally was ready to blow and smack them both. Then I thought if I did that it would be a very bad example to all of us and so I just very loudly said to my son that some people are just rude and don't have a clue to how to act in public. Then both of us walked away. Hopefully, I got the message across.
That was extremely rude. I cant understand why the mom didnt apologize or make her son apologize. My grandma would have tore my butt up if I had acted like that when I was younger...
I know i am a little late. But if anyone hit my child in the store I would of went up to the mother and tell her that her child needs to say sorry to my child. That crap just aint right.
YOU GOOD WHAT STATE YOU IN NOT WASHINGTON DC
YES , and I DO
some people thinks its cute . I let them know I don't think it is.
I agree with most of you, but I would like to point out that that this isn't 'ol school anymore. Just looking at it on the receiving end, if my child was out of sorts then I would expect the adult in the situation to bring it to my attention only. I do not give anyone the authority to address my children only because I've heard how some "parents" speak to their children and I totally disagree. I will not have someone "down talk" my child under any circumstance. Their way of correcting I'm sure is not my way of correcting. I have taught my children to be completely respectful, but if they are approached by an adult, they are to tell that adult that they need to speak to their parents. The village is corrupt and these days you don't know who is speaking to your child. If you teach them that they have to listen to everyone, then I think you set them up to be open to listen to everyone blindly. They have to understand that there are certain people (like the best friend) that you have been appointed to have their best interest at heart, but just someone in the park who could be there simply "correcting" your child because theirs can do no wrong. I don't think so. The only one in this world that truly has their best interest is their parent (hopefully). I caution all of you (and you may think I'm nuts) but if you tell them to respect and honor everyone without caution then what happens when you tell them not to talk to strangers? But mommy and daddy said that I have to do... or they get in that car because my mommy said I have to listen to adults and do what they say and since that one day at the park she let the lady tell me what to do, then I must do it. Children understand everything in black and white. There is no gray with them. They can't reason one situation from another. So just be cautious and do not get distracted when you are responsible to care for your children. If you are at the park and let's say you get a phone call that you have to take, call your child to sit with you until you finish so you don't risk being distracted and being one of those parents that said "it would never happen to me" while you're searching in the woods somewhere for your child. In this society today being over protective is better than being under protective. I'm just sayin'.
SOME OF THE CHILDREN NEED OLD SCHOOL
While i understand what your saying,these kids are alot smarter than we give them credit for,give them an inch they take a yard,everybody has different description of rudeness,a child may talk back to his/her parents and some of us may thing its rude,others will say the child should be able to express themselves,fine,but we all know extreme rudeness and should be able in a mature way to 1.inform the parent if available,2.bring awareness to whatever situation may arise with the child,because i think we should all have each others common interest at heart,in essence growing children that can be positive role models,hence a reflection of good parenting,which we all know makes a better society,so while we may not like how people approach every or any correcting of our children,we should always try to be tolerable,especially if recognise that there was indeed a problem.
1.inform the parent if available,2.bring awareness to whatever situation may arise with the child,because i think we should all have each others common interest at heart- msmall0002
I have to disagree with you, and any others who believe that mentality of the "village" is expectantly parallel to my own. As noted in my previous post on this thread, I don't believe anyone can discipline my child more effectively than myself. I know how my kids tick, and so I know how to best get through to them.
I’d like to present one example of how "common interest" is never common. My daughter befriended a girl (we'll call her Jane) some years back in grade school. Jane, in my opinion, is rather spoiled and lacks supervision. Jane’s mother is commonly doped up on pain killers, so I've come to expect little in the way of parenting. That said, sleepovers are ONLY at my home, I will not allow Jane's mom to drive my child anywhere, etc. This situation was obviously annoying, but easy enough to circumvent. The real problems began about a year ago, with Jane and my daughter in Jr. High. My daughter is big hearted, and though Jane had become increasingly difficult to socialize with, my daughter retained the friendship. Because of this friendship, her social circle progressively shrank. I spoke with her about it, but in the end it was her choice to retain Jane as a friend. That was until my daughter began dating a boy of opposing culture to Jane’s. (Hatfield –n- McCoy mentality) Jane openly disapproved, and my daughter simply dealt with it retaining the so called friendship. Then Jane’s mother started to interfere. She openly spoke poorly of my daughter to other parents, and started including negative comments about her sister's (my eldest) choice to date a black boy. Again, it was annoying, but we chose to ignore this childish/ignorant behavior. Jane’s mother escalated her disapproving Hatfield/McCoy comments to the point of speaking directly to my child, explaining how disappointed she was in her selection and how wrong it was of her not to consider Jane when selecting a boyfriend. To avoid this, I instructed my daughter(s) to avoid Jane’s mom at all costs. Yet the harassment continued in the form of dirty looks, quiet comments, ending in a full out verbal blow up at the school. Yes, Jane's mom lost her mind and started yelling at the students,(details too long to share) bringing the whole thing to an eventual head in the Deans office. Jane claimed religious freedom to justify Hatfield/McCoy hatred, avoiding the racism issue, and the matter was dropped.
As I mentioned my daughter has a big heart, so even after the mom popping her cork at school, we allowed the friendship with Jane to continue at school only. Problem is, Jane still has a mom, an unbalanced and socially inept woman who continues to argue with children on Jane’s facebook, talk crap about my kids to other parents/authorities, call my home, e-mail my wife, and recently called the police on my eldest for bullying her daughter. In short, there was no bullying. Jane asked (facebook) for my eldest’s opinion of her, and well….. she gave it, and honestly so. lol Since then, Jane’s mom has been on a crusade. She called cops/security because my eldest was momentarily standing near Jane at school function, then smiled and laughed as the authorities openly addressed this ridiculous issue with my daughter. Jane’s mom also contacted the school’s Dean to notify of same issue, resulting in a brief meeting with my daughter. Not sure if I dare share this, but ALL these people (cops, school, teachers, Dean, parents) know this woman is, for lack of a better word, crazy. The advice given by all, avoid Jane’s mom at all costs. A practice we already have in play, but now in full Monty. My kids are NOT to speak one word to (or about) Jane. Not an “excuse me” in the hall, not “I can’t speak with you.” at lunch, not even for in class group activities. They've also been instructed to actively avoid Jane's mom, physically changing direction of travel if need be. For all intents and purposes, these people are dead. Not fair I know, and I'm open for any suggestions on better approach.
So yes, this is an extreme example of one village idiot, but it clearly makes my point. The “it takes a village” mentality in raising children should only be superficial. If the observed behavior is drastically out of line (beating another child, stealing, destruction/defacing property) than yes, intervene. But understand it’s a socially responsible action, not a parental one. Leave the parenting to the parents, and keep your morals to yourself. In the case of Jane’s mom, I don’t want her closed minded racism/bigotry to infiltrate my children. I don’t want her intrusive parental methods to stunt the social development of my children, as is currently being demonstrated in Jane. (Nothing wrong with letting kids deal with or figure out some things for themselves, especially social contructs) I don’t want her adolescent approach with others to be an example of socially mature behavior. Had the situation been different, I might meet with Jane’s mom to have a rational discussion, but you simply can’t talk the crazy out of someone like this. This woman, a member of my village, is everything I would NOT want as a parental figure for my children. There are other village members I find faults with to varied degrees, and even some members I’d perhaps trust to lightly parent my girls. But in the end, when it comes to raising my kids, I’ll take 100% of that responsibility, and happily so.
I'd much rather be informed in your observation of my kid's actions, than be informed of your actions toward my kids from that observation.
I can completely understand the stance you have taken but I wonder if there wasn't another choice. In many instances kids in a situation such as Jane's has no idea how to act and emulate the ones that they are raised in. I wouldn't say be a parent-like figure to a child like this but mentor the child. Children become Adults of their environment and it sound sto me like the entire town has turned against this kid because of the actions of the mother. To me, and this is my opinion, the child needs the positive guidance from others in the community so that she doesn't travel down the same path as her mother.
Is ther any way to help this child other than giving up on her?
Is there any way to help this child other than giving up on her? -jolene93245
There likely is, but none that I'm willing risk the welfare of my own family for. In short, Jane finds no fault in her self. She believed her actions(hatfield/mccoy) had no negative effect on the friendship. She continually defers to her mother for all wrong doings, yet repeatedly returns to her mother expecting action when things don't go her way. To repeat the same action expecting different results is the definition of insanity. This might be an oversimplification of the Jane/mom situation, but it allows for a simple solution. Avoid the crazies.... done.
Again, had Jane's mom been a more rational person, perhaps efforts to mentor/guide either of them would be possible. But at this venture, I'll let someone more qualified in social/mental disorders take the wheel. Perhaps the imposed silence and social fall out will enlighten Jane and her mom, but I'm hearing this stuff have been going on for years with other families, so I have my doubts.
I being only 17 am a new mommy to a child i didnt even give birth to....at first i didnt punish her but she is in the terrible 2's stage ang i have been taking care of her almost a year as well as the fact she calls me mommy. i didnt want to overstep my boundaries as daddy's girlfriend and punish her or make comments about her doing something that could be taken as me being out of place.his family now accepts me as being a mommy to her and a caretaker as well as a role model to her and has told me to tell her no and let her know she is doing something that is wrong. sometimes it does depend on who you are around. I personally dont give spankings or yell at her but i do think it is acceptable to pop her hand gently(as she is still only two) and do so in a manner i believe is acceptable....i dont think parents should judge how others repremand their children because all situations are different unless the child is honestly being beaten. The main thing is for young children the best thing is supervision and telling them what is right and wrong....you want them to respect you as an adult and a parent not be scared of you. And i sure in the hell would not let somebody else physically punish my child verbal is ok as long as their voice is at a modest level and typically if someone else has to punish your child unless at that time being responsiblee for them is because the parents arent doin their job and watching their childs actions
So often I see parents using the term "PUNISH" insted of discipline. Do we really want to punish our children, or someone elses? No, we want them to learn. to be disciplined. when you "punish" a child you open up a whole new can of worms. I discipline my children and i will discipline your children if it is nessesary. I will never punish a child. If a child is being rude and interupting, I will say something. Parent present or not. If you don't like it, learn to discipline your child then.
I have left full, FULL grocery carts at the market because my children would not/could not behave properly out in public. they learned quite quickly that if they act up, we will go home. I also talk with them BEFORE we leave. I say "we are going to be polite and listen while we are out, yes?" and "we will listen to mommy and not thro fits, yes?" they both answer yes. then we establish what will happen if they don't follow thru. which is usually us leaving the store or restaraunt or where ever we happen to be.
so often parents are afraid to apply discipline to their children.
It does take a village to raise a child. If you won't say something to your screaming/fit throwing/hair pulling/hitting/punching/kicking etc child, then I will gladly step up and do/say something!
What I hate the most is going to the grocery store and kids throwing huge fits in the floor or carts. I have a autistic child and she can behave. That is not to say she does not have behavior problems, but I think walking out of a store if the child is acting up is totally right to do. I have done that several times at restaurants. I will pay for the meal and get to go boxes and leave. In regards to discipling other people's kids, I think it is ok as long as there are no spankings etc. Then it becomes a legal issue and I do not think anyone wants that on their shoulders. But a corner, time out, or talking to them I feel is ok.
If another child misbehaves infront of me and it doesn't involve my child, I ignore it unless it's something harmful and then I try to find the parent. If it involves my child I will say something polite to the other kid, and if it continues, I try to find the parent or just leave. I've been in countless situations where my son's cousin was misbehaving and his parents were too involved with other things to deal with him, so I would say what he was doing wasn't appropriate and he needed to stop and then I would try to distract my own child with something else. Since I'm the ONLY one in the family who doesn't drink, when we're all around eachother for holidays and what not I'm pretty much the child watcher! If I (for whatever reason) wasn't available to correct my child if he was acting out, I would expect the adult present to take control of the situation, a firm talk or time out is fine with me, but I don't even allow my kids grandparents to spank them, so that is completely out of the question.
DEPENDS ON THE PARENT.SOME PARENTS DON'T MIND.IT TAKE A COMMUNITY TO RAISE UP A CHILD THAT IS OUT OF CONTROL,THAT WHAT I THINK.
YES, IN THE CENTER AND AROUND THE FAMILY, WE WILL GET THE WHOLE NINE YARDS HIT,PUT IN TIME OUT AND GRANDMA'S HANDS. LOOK MY GRANDMOTHER WAS INDIAN AND SHE WAS NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH SHE SMACKED ME FOR GETTING MY HAIR CUT AND SHE WAS BLIND AT THE TIME TELL ME HOW DID SHE KNOW MY HAIR WAS CUT.THAT SIDE OF THE FAMILY DID NOT GO FOR HAIR CUTS.
I have been in situations where another child has hit my kid. What I did was took the child to his home, even if I didn't know where the child lived I would tell the child simply this, either you take me to your mom and dad or I will call the police and have the police bring you home and tell your mom and dad what you did wrong. One parent’s child I did this to thanked me for telling their child just that.
See this little boy threw a huge rock at my oldest son and it hit him in the head. We had to take him to the hospital for stitches and everything. My son even had a severe concussion. So when we got home and seen the little boy who did it and asked where he lived. He told me off in some very colorful words that a 5 year old should not be telling an adult. I used the police scare and sure enough he led me to his house.
I went up to the door and knocked. The boy told me to move, opened the door and ran in closing the door before I could say boo. However; his dad heard my knock and came to the door. I had hospital papers in hand and gave them to the father of the boy. I explained what happened and how my son was accosted and the father asked me, "How would you like to handle this?" I asked him if he would allow me to discipline his son by making him clean my yard of trash and dog poop. The boy's father agreed to it.
I felt bad when I left because I could hear the boy getting a spanking from his dad, but I still put him to work in my yard. I felt that if he was disciplined by his dad the way he was and then had to do exactly what I said he had to do in my yard that maybe he would not do something like that again.
I lived in that area for another five years and did to have another problem with that little boy again. Matter of fact the boy's parents used my method of discipline on him whenever he did wrong. They would take the boy to one of the neighbors’ houses and ask that person what their son could do and why they were asking.
A few years later I went back to the area and they were still living in the same house. Needless to say that little 5 year old boy I met in and unkindly manner was a VERY well behaved young man who showed mounds of respect. And this all went down in an area that we called the ghettoes of MN.
I have corrected other people's kids but it was either a family member of someone I knew. If you try to correct someone else child now you will have a serious problem with the parent. Parents today take sides with their children even when they are wrong so you have to be careful with that.
The only person, other than the parent, that should be correcting a child (in front of the parent ) is the childs teacher. Only then if they are in the classroom. Sometimes the Parent doesnt even like that , but in the school environment I as the teacher do it. Children sometimes think when Mom is present that they do not have to follow rules. I have even asked the Parent to step out of the classroom until it is resolved .Otherwise if the Parent is present, they should be the one doing the correcting. I am also a grandmother and I leave the correcting to Mom and Dad. When they are with only me I take care of it, but I never punish... The worst would be a threat to "tell Mom" what happened.
I have corrected kids in front of their parents many times. But NEVER a strangers child. Only a friends or relatives child. If they are in my house they play by my rules. It is that simple and if the child or parent doesnt like it, they can leave. I am not mean or rude I am fair and treat all the children the same as my own. As a matter of fact a good friend of mine brings her kids to me because she doesnt like to decipline them and she asks me watch them so that they are having some sort of constructive disipline.
That is a very fine line. Honestly if my child were to hit my best friends child then i would expect them to correct my child accordingly but not to beat them. Take them to the saide and let them know it was wrong and have them sit in time out and make them go appaulogise to their child. I would do the same thing. My brothers kids are little hellians they dont' disiplne their kids what so ever so even though I shouldn't I do disipline them I dont' beat them but I let them know that it was wrong to do that then I stick them in time out. I look at it this way if they have a problem with it oh well becuase I know for a darn fact they would do and say the same thing to my daughter if my daughter was misbehaving.
My brother and his wife were having a baby shower for me when their kids started acting up and misbehaving I took the kids to the side and todl them to knock it off or else they were going to sit in time out. EVeryone sat there with their mouths dropped adn wide eyed looking at me while the parents were doing the same thing and nothing about it. They weren't going to say anything and well being pregnant alot of you know that you really don't have the patience for dealing with parents who won't manage their own kids. So I disiplined them right there. I probably shouldn't have done it but oh well it needed to get done.
I actually found my self in a simaler situation. My neighbor (I know the husband cause he's been here longer and his girlfriend only just moved in) anyways, their son hit and shoved my best friends daughter and then grabed her arm and hurt her. He's a little bit younger than her, but also is known to be a bit rough with the kids. Now I was baby sitting my best friends kids so her mom wasen't there. I actually didn't know what to do. So I went to my neighbor's son and asked him if he did what my friends daughter had said. He kinda looked at me then started getting up set. So I lightly grabed him by his hand, went to my neighbor with my best friends daughter and had him tell his dad what he had done. Right then his dad had taken care of it accordingly. As for my best friend punishing my son, I'd allow it, even if I wasent distracted and she just got to it before I did. She's the only one I'd be ok with allowing it though because we have the same exact way's of punishment and the same exact rules in our own homes. She's also the God mother of my child too. She is the same way with me and her daughter and son. I'm her daughters God mother and her son calls me Aunt Gwen. So were just like a family I love it so much!
I remember one instance in high school. It was after school and I was in color guard. The coach brought her little kids and they were running around and being distracting. When twirling around giant flags, you do not want the kids near by. One of them was trying to get in the way and I stoped him by holding his shoulders and saying 'no'. The mother was shocked and even said that she doesn't even do that. The kid was asking to be hit by the flags (which could cause major damage to someone so small) and the mother didn't even care. I believe in telling another child 'No, don't do that.' Especially if the parent wasn't noticing (which happens). But true disicpline needs to be done by a parent, they know what works best for the child (time out, extra chores, etc). But it's the part of the other people to let the parent know that some behavior is unacceptable. Not I a 'you're child needs to be punished' tone but a 'just so you know, Billy hit Sue and the children are now afraid of Billy' sort of way.
I think that it is okay to a point. What i think is wrong is when you are getting on to your child and someone else butts in and tries to take over. I have had that happen to me for the last seven years and my kids now have a problem listeing to me we live by our self now and it is getting much better. But i think that if we dont take care of it now then when they get older and are out of control the court system will take care of them.
Do you correct other parents children in front of them? The question is difficult, as my answer depends greatly on details specific to the situation. I would physically intervene anytime a child’s actions are dangerous to self of others, parents left unconsidered. With that exception, and away from my own home, I will commonly express a verbal opinion regarding perceived misbehavior in an indirect manner. Perhaps speak overly loud to my own children about the misbehavior we’ve witnessed, or again offer an overly loud yet generic and undirected statement like “someone’s going to get hurt.” If there is any chance I or my children might be bumped or hit by something, a stern “HEY” usually does the trick.
Within my home, step one usually involves addressing guest misbehavior indirectly by clarifying our expectations/rules to my own child, in the presence of said guest. Second offence, and someone is likely going home with explanation “We don’t act like that here.”
I would never directly discipline the child in any form, as this is not my place. The tables turned, I would be quite upset if someone reprimanded my child.
a) They do not know my methods/values, and often reprimand in contradiction to what we accept
b) They do not know my child’s personality, and the best way to approach
c) Most parents are bias and side with their own child, rather than working with facts. (She said, he said evidence)
Methods/values- I have no problem with my children asking “Why” after receiving a negative response. This helps them be deep and independent thinkers. In our home, “Because I said so.” is not a valid reason. Most don’t agree with this held value, and consider the “why?” response as unacceptable back sass. We also consider the phrase “shut up” a vulgarity.
Personality- I have two girls, and though my methods/values are set, I communicate with each of them differently. Methods used on one will backfire if used again on the other. In short, you can’t know my kid well enough to even begin making a valid point. A coach once told me my daughter played well, but was arrogant. This is his opinion, not fact. Should he reprimand her for what I consider to be confidence, he is in essence breaking down a value we have instilled in her. An unintended yet unacceptable result of his ignorance and opinion.
Bias- I consider myself logical and fact oriented. I question my children like a cop would a suspect, to ensure I have all facts. Not opinions, not emotion driven suggestions, facts. Most parents I know take their own kids at face value, leaving reprimanding my child based on biased results. I fault my own kids first. “Why didn’t you explain we don’t throw balls in the house.” or “Were you showing off in front of your friends, and because of that the attitude you displayed Mr. X was less than acceptable ?”
The perfect action-
My daughter was caught kissing her b-friend goodbye at school bus line. The Dean noticed and asked “Would your parents find that acceptable?” Her foolish reply was “Yes.” . “Would you like me to call them?” was followed by “Go ahead.” In truth, we do condone a little smooch. However we also expect her to follow school rules of no PDA(Public display of affection) and show respect to adults/authority figures. The Dean ended their conversation, then called me immediately to share his observations. For many, any action/involvement he took with her directly would have been justified due to the rule bend (school was over) and seeming lack of respect. Instead, he chose to allow her parents to do the parenting, the perfect action. My involvement allowed for best outcome possible because I know my child’s personality and the values we taught her. I was able, without bias, to discuss the impression she left with her dean. At the root of it all her actions were not wrong, but rather the reaction she created by her actions. She simply needed to learn a lesson in human interaction methods, one most adults still fail to grasp.
I agree, I would have allowed someone to correct my child, if I am distractected. If spanking had to be done, that is something I needed to do.
In my experience as a child care provider, in my home (when I did it in my home) I have witness and experienced parents who would not take the time to correct their own children either out of fear because they are afraid someone will call CPS on them or they would rather be lazy and want someone else to correct their child. Thus allowing the child to hit them (the parent), or hit, bit, or bully another child.
If I could not handle a child it was time for the parent to take the child elsewhere.
I will not spank anyone elses children. That to me is really parental territory.
It depends.. on whether I know the person, even if I dont still I would like tell him/her not to do such.
depending on what the child is doing, if it causing physical harm to my child, or just irritating me to the boiling point i give theother parent sufficient time to correct their child and if they do nothing i have no problem correcting the child, friend or stranger i dont care, i dont care. i will not touch the other child in anyway but i have no problem telling them to stop or depending on the age of the child sometimes a simple "no" is enough, and when the other childs mom or dad tries so confront me i simply tell them if they were better parents they would have better control of their children and i wouldnt have to play mommy to their child.. but i WILL not EVER touch another persons child, talking to the child is one thing spanking or other physical forms of punishment is not my job. not even my mother is allowed to spank my children. the very few times i've gotten distracted and my two year old did something naughty and another mom told him "no" i smiled and thanked her for her patience with him and i took over and payed better attention. if she had touched him it would have been another matter all together. but all she did was keep him from possibly harming her child, and she has that right.
Yes I would diff correct anothers child if they were doing something they had no business doing. A few weeks ago some friends came over to our house and their children aren't saints by no means, but still good lads when they want to be. Well, the children started jumpping up and down on our furniture as if they were in a bounce house. I thought OMG is she going to say something or what? So, I gave the mom a few minutes to allow her time to correct her own children.
After about 2 mins. I couldn't take another second I told those children to sit down at once that, that type of behavior belongs outside and not in my house on my furniture and with their shoes on. I believe my friend became a little livid with me, but she didn't pay for my furniture. And I'd rather not have little footprints all over it either.
Some parents are ok with it while others such as my friend get all uptight about it. I'm just not ok with children acting like they have had no upbringing especially when they are in public or at someone's house.
As Sherry. Me stated above, I would never touch anothers child..no way, but I will use a stern voice and let that child/ren know when at my house for example I run the ship. They can sit down play a game, color at the table or go outside.
You know even in public my friends children can get out of hand and she's still the same way. It's more like they are the parent and she's the child now that I think about it.
Its nothing wrong with telling a child that they are wrong if they are mis-behaving ... I come from the old school discipline of it takes a village to raise a child ...
I agree time outs only work for so long
with me... personally it depends on how they would handle the situation... If someone went to spank my child I would get mad and most likely hit them back... if they were to yell at my child then I would probably yell back.. I don't think people to do things like that to other peoples kids without permission or something.. but if it a calm voice tone telling them no or what they did wrong or something like that... then I would not mind...
If I am in care of another person's child. Yes, I will correct them. Situations all vary but, I agree it's alright.
I only usually am in care of someone I know anyway. They should know how I am and that I can handle the situation the correct way.
Yes if they where acting bad enough or at my house i would correct them.
In situation 1, what I would probably do is tell the child what he or she did was wrong. I have never had problems with parents when correcting their child in front of them, so it is a norm for me. In situation 2, if I was busy or distracted, I wouldn't mind my friend punishing my child by time-out or a scolding as long as she didn't spank him.
I will of the parents are not paying attention to the situation and also it would depend on what the child is doing wrong.