I thinking that spanking is more efficient. When I was younger, my brother and I fought a lot and my mom would spank us to try to get her point by. I think if she tried to use timeouts we would have laughed it off and just go back to fighting. My mom wouldn't do it in public, she would reach down and pinch us if we were misbehaving, and trust me, I learned really quick not to do anything bad. I really see nothing wrong with spanking your child, but that's my opinion.

All I have to say is spare the rod spoil the child. Time out was never in our home growing up either.

I don't spank. I use time outs with my sons and neither are spoiled brats. Also grounding, taking away of any special privilges...etc. Each son has their special day once a week where they can have dessert of their choice, stay up an hour later, play a vid game, or request to go somewhere fun like the museum or the pool. If they act up....no special day! I also have my oldest write down what he did wrong, what he can do to do better the next time. (So i get him to work on his language and writing skills too!) So I try non spanking measures with my kids.

In fact my 5 yr old does his chores without me asking...and does them well! He actually mopped the kitchen for me on Sat ....not one of his chores...just that he noticed mommy was tired!  Not bad for a kid that has never been spanked!

I think it's based on your parenting style and the temperment of your kids. My kids are both lowkey and mellow, so timeouts work for them.

I also have some "well-meaning" people say alot about what the above said....spare the rod spoil the child.

There's actually alot of people sitting in jail that were given the rod a bit too many times,that's all they know about how to deal with people. Violence. I don't buy the that timeouts turn people violent...I would guess that if they interviewed people in the state penn most probably had horrfic dealings with the "rod"

I do not have children as of yet but I am definetly completing it. I was a victim of abusive parent's that thought abuse was the only form of discipline. I was harshly abused from slapping, to belts, to kicking and the abuse escaladed to the unimanagable. I dropped out of school,got arrested and became a dancer etc. Mabey the reasons why my path in life was in distraught was because of the abuse I endored as a child ( I can not speak for all that were victims of abuse). Most definetly, the abuse I endored was tramatic and life changing as a negative aspect of life. If my parent's put more time,dedication and love into rasing me with out abuse, I would have became a lawyer. I feel that I was the apitimey of the abuse I endored in my younger years.A product of my enviorment. It takes years of healing and counseling to get though a haunting past. Abuse can make you or break you.

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What works for one may not always work for another. So in this practice of discipline neither sides are wrong. You have to find what means work for you. You of course know your child better than anyone else. For example what motivates, behaviors, temperment ect  basicly how your child reacts to certain things. I did not have a set disciple in mind that I decided to stand by, instead I learned it by observing what worked for my child. I have 3 kids & each one is different. My oldest is what I like to call a little rebel. In the beginning I used time outs, 5 second rules you name it and none of it worked, the first time I ever spanked her was while in the store she thought it would be funny to run & hide somewhere. In that moment I felt so helpless calling out to her with no reply in what seemed like forever when finally I saw her feet sticking out from a clothes rack. I realized then & there that what I had been doing was not working & if I kept doing it she would not benefit and the outcome could have been a lot worse. I took her aside got down to her level & told her what she did was wrong then firmly popped her on the butt. From then on it never happened again which was a huge relief for me. Now with my middle child I only use time outs because it works for her. Let me also say that I only spank when needed & never out of anger.

I don't spank my son, but he's only four so I wouldn't anyway. I put him in the corner (I will even find a corner in a store) and then talk to him about why something is bad. My son isn't the type to scream or yell when he's in trouble, so this might not work for other kids. Usually, he gets the point and doesn't do it again. One time, he saw a mother spanking her child and he freaked out, to him it was abuse (yes, he understands what abuse is). He told me he loves that I don't ever hurt him and said he won't be bad enough to get a spanking (we'll see lol). Also, I took care of my niece from birth to now, she's six, and I've never ever had to spank her. I guess if you talk to children like they are humans they will act like humans.

With my daughter, what we do is

1. Get a warning
2. time out
3. spanking

The spankings we give are very light but enough to get her attention and to get her to listen.

however is she gets in trouble for hitting, we will not spank her because it defeats the purpose if we spank her for hitting its kind of saying its okay to hit.

I don't think that spanking is very effective.. I have a child with an anxiety disorder and spanking him makes him worse.. I give timeouts based on age..so 5yrs then they get 5 minutes..they are warned first if they don't stop the behaviour they are doing they will get a time out.. and in order to get out they have to be quiet and behaved for at least two..then they are told if they do the same wrong behaviour they will get another time out and a favorite past time taken away..such as DS or outdoor time.. and I also agree with spanking sort of letting them know that it is okay to hit..

neither, I think teaching a child to be accountable for their behavior is the best way. If they break something they have to fix it themselves OR go without. If they treat someone bad they need to be made aware that they hurt that person and they have to find a way to make it up to that person. I used to believe in spanking but it doesn't teach anything but fear , helplessness and anger. Logic is a good teacher.

I have to say that I think neither works. Children at that age are always learning and hitting is teaching them what? Also, an adult hitting on a child can lead to bad things, you are towering over them, yelling and then hitting them. That is not showing respect. My daughter is a hand full and I tell her to come to me and tell me why is she not listening or following the rules. However all children are different and you should deal with them that way. One thing I would like to say is that a lot of times the parents are not "parenting" and this leads to a lot of misbehavior. For instance, a child has an attention span of 3-5 minutes, forcing them to sit still or something of this nature is not normal.  If you are going to take your child somewhere having a few hand toys really saves you a lot of heart ache.  I remember a small teaching session with WIC and the lady said that a lot of women come in the office with a little bitty diaper and back in the day they had huge bags if not multiply ones.  She also said that if you give a child a few blocks they will entertain themselves for a little and to the best of there ability.  Another thing that I noticed is that people become surprised when they see me with toys and things to comfort my child. 

One day I say a lady walking in the heat to go to the post office and she was in a hurry, the baby was in an inappropriate size stroller, it was hot, no water, and nothing.  They were walking and there was no side walk and it was a busy street.  She hit her child for crying.  I was like wow, if that was her she would cry.  But yourself in the child’s position.  My daughter is a cry baby, I hug tell her that I understand but she can’t just do whatever and I ask her if she wants to sit by me and calm down.  She has never said no. 

BTW a small rant one thing I hate is when you raise your hand a child jumps.  Parents really need to get to know their children and spend quality time, and keep it simple.  Children are mini-us’s. ( I know).  Have compassion and mercy; and your relationship with your child will last a long time.  My mother whipped us and even though she felt like it was a small tap, I felt like she was beating us and abusing us.  I think that I may have been abusing to my son.  But when I had my daughter a lot of things surfaced with me and I want to be closer to my son.  He would never talk to me, he was short, he was a little isolated, and I was so busy with me that he was kind of to himself.  He almost failed 5^th grade and I knew then I had to step it up.  I still do all the things I do but I have a 1000% better relationship with him.  He tells me about things like he likes this girl and about his friends.  I was hard on him and I was strict.  In the end it sucked.  We are the adults and we set the example whether we like it or not.  I am not judging but this is my opinion. 

I hope this made sense.

This is an interesting topic, and what is also interesting is different people from all over the world with different cultures posting thier oppinions. I totally agree with spanking. Here in Belize there is no crime in spanking your child, however a child needs to understand why him/her is being spanked. Now some people i'm sure might think spanking is whipping and acting crazy with your children about things that they are just kids about. That in my oppinion is wrong. No child dies from spanking they die from abuse. Time out don't work for my children and I have three. I have three and I am a single parent, so raising them is no easy task. I always have to be on them for any and everything, from getting along with each other to acting right in public and at home. I spank, I don't play, I have to show my children that I am the boss of them. For those of you who thinks your child will grow up being afraid of you. NOPE. They will know that you control their lives and as parents you should. A child knows trust me he/she knows exactly what they can get away with.  I have seen so many children on TV reality shows cursing thier parents and shouting at them as if they are dogs, that would not work in my home. Shows such as 16 and pregnant and my sweet 16, so much more to mention. Start raising your child as if they are the boss of you and not the other way around will result in that. Just remember to balance the love with the discipline. Your child can never grow up hating you for that.

Spanking or a time out, now that's a hard question. Growing up, I got spankings when I was little. When I was a teenager I would be grounded. I remember once when my cousins came to visit and they wanted to go rollerskating. Everyone got to go except for me, because I was grounded. They asked why and my mom decided to go into detail as to why I was grounded. Omg, I was so embarrased I could of died right their on the spot. My cousins looked at me and said "did you really", they looked like your disgusting. I looked at my mom and rolled eyes, (totally disresptful) I mean really rolled my eyes and said "oh my god, her old age is catching up to her, she's totally wrong. I don't even think she remembers why I'm grounded. Now my cousins looked at her like you don't remember. To say the least, they went, I stayed home, and mom and I had a talk. A long talk. That night my grounding was over. My mom actually said sorry to me for embarrasing me. I apologized for rolling my eyes. So, grounding or spanking? It depends on the kids and their age. If it is spanking, a swat across the but is suffiicient. If the spanking doesn't work, then another form of punishment may be needed.

A little spanking never hurts ... I'm still here responding to this post ... Now we not talking about taking it overboard ... Thats a whole nother subject .. But a little disciplinary spank is fine ... But not all actions require a spanking, so that plays a factor as well ...

O.O Does the display pic for this discussion disturb anyone else or is it just me?

Anyway, I am definitely NOT a fan of spanking. Does it have its uses in extreme situations? It probably does. I am not a parent so I can't say with 1000% certainty I would never use it but it DISGUISTS me. It has too much potential to go over the line. A parent might think its barely a tap but it might actually hurt the child and who wants to see their kid crying because you swatted their booty? Generally, I think if you have to use this CONSTANTLY then you really need a parenting class or have one hyper kid.

I lived in a home where you had to respect your parents and you didn't talk back. You couldn't interrupt two adults speaking. You had to say may I be excused from the the dinner table and pick up your mess. My parents showed me alot of love and attention and I never feared them I feared the spanking. But you know what my parents used a combination of punishments. Like taking things away from me, not allowing me to go outside and play, no t.v., and of course spanking. It all depended on the severity of the situation. I do believe you have to spank your children as long as it is done the right way. I'm not talking about beating the hell out of your kids. You have to explain to the child what they did wrong and why they are getting punished and that you love them very much. You have to express that it doesn't make you happy to have to spank them but that they have to understand that they can't do whatever they want. That there is consequences for their actions. I have three boys a 6, 4, and a 3 year old and let me tell you they get their share of spankings but they also know that I love them and they don't fear me at all. I show the alot of love. And their punishments are not always a spanking. This is my opinion.

Im a parent used both. I think that you should never spank when you angry!

I think timeouts are the best solution.

i believe to use the lessor punishment first then spanking. sometimes a time out is not enough to make a child learn. a Child who touches something hot useally will not touch it again becasue they have learned there lesson, when a child gets a spanking they useally won't do it again. and thats just from my own experiance.

I'm for a spanking

I'm in the field of education and have studied a great amount of child development and psychology.  There is no doubt about it, spanking has become frowned on as a form of discipline for children.  The reading and studying that I have done as an educator tell my brain that there are better ways to raise children and I tend to agree.  Time outs can work for some children.  Loss of privileges is a very effective way to deal with older kids.  Grounding will work for some.  Just scolding and talking to my 15 year old daughter generally worked and I didn't have to move beyond that.

However, as a teacher, parent, and step parent, I've learned in the real world that all those techniques don't work every time with every child.  There are other issues as well.  Sometimes a child will do something so serious that as parents we have to send an immediate message that certain behavior is unacceptable and that we have "zero tolerance" for it.  For that reason, I think parents do need to keep spanking available as an option for the very worst behavior you may see from children.

I wouldn't tolerate "bullying behavior" from children and that would almost certainly result in a spanking.  My husband and I saw a need to straighten out his son immediately when he got involved with another boy in a situation where they chose to destroy some property that belonged to someone else, so along with other discipline he got a spanking.  Some may argue that there are other ways to deal with these sorts of things and they may be right.  I find as a parent that I am not only guided, but by head, but my heart in these situations.

Spanking can definitely be misused as a form of discipline.  I think its best if both parents are involved when its done, so that they can serve as kind of a "check" on one another to make sure it doesn't go too far.  IMO, no parent should ever spank with anything, but their own hand.  Spankings should always take place over a clothed bottom (at least underpants).  Spankings hopefully can be replaced by other consequences by the time a child is 10.

Children are individuals.  Some methods of discipline work on some and some on others.

It does depend on the kid...as in I was a sensitive child and I really don't think it helped AT ALL.

My kid is more 'tough' but ironically, I didn't spank him very much...I did a few times when he was really young, still in a diaper...but they were so ineffective, I ended up finding other ways...of course, that opens the door to psychological abuse.

Fear of punishment is not 'the point' in my mind. I want my kid to understand that screaming in a grocery store is a bad thing BECAUSE it's embarrasing to others with you and it doesn't reflect well on you. And/Or doesn't get you what you want...I didn't want him not to do something in one store b/c he was scared of the punishment but feel perfectly justified in doing it in another store.

Or whatever the case may be...that's just an example.

I found that when he was younger, giving him something or telling him I would take him to x place if he behaved would work. (always keeping in mind it was something I could follow through with)

Now that he's older, he knows I'll go on forever (according to him) about WHY you shouldn't do whatever and that drives him crazy ;-) so he generally avoids  doing the wrongthing...sometimes to avoid a lecture bu there are times that he actually gets WHY something is seen as 'bad'.

I was out with a friend the other day and these worn out looking parents came in (we were at a restaurant) and their kid could NOT keep still in the booth directly behind my friend. She said if she had a kid, he/she wouldn't act that way.

Luckily I had already had a drink so I could just be amused by what she said. Normally, that kind of thing coming from a person w/o kids drives me crazy! It really is a situation where a parent thinks you have no right to judge anyone elses parenting if you don't have one yourself.

At least you've taken some psychology classes. I think all women who have a child should be required to take at least one child development class.

That friend & I do not see eye to eye about child rearing. However, I doubt she'll ever be in the position I was in (single mother with medical problems) and she knows it so she generally keeps her mouth shut.

edit: I like the writing it out idea...making them actually think about what they did and think of other behaviors they could have tried-plus, it would give the parent time to cool down if they're worked up.